I’ll stop yammering lest somebody starts taking me seriously, which you should never do past 11 pm anyway. Goodnight
My most recent sin was eating Nutella straight from the jar. My second most recent sin was an awkward encounter with a cashier. My third most recent sin was mixing up my days and saying it was Thursday on Friday. The other sins all blend together after that
Despite all my rage they still haven’t raised minimum wage
The flash fucking hurts. It’s worse than the sun, because at least the sun is yellowish. This is painfully, horribly white light.
Ah. I see you are engaged in politincs
Learning things just feels good to me. Pursuing things is within my grasp. Nothing is so overwhelming anymore, including my anxiety. I can quell whatever arises a lot more easily, if it arises at all. I haven’t felt this way for more than an hour in… well, it’s been a long time.
I’m not medicated. I’m just taking a B complex vitamin in the morning now.
This isn’t to say that All Of My Problems Are Solved, just that I suspect my depression was partly seasonal. It’s not only the vitamins, either. It’s been a years-long climb from having panic attacks triggered by the end of my undergrad experience plus hellish news items, a fear of the end of the world, a stint in a decaying house permanently stuck in renovation, and a simmering self-hatred fostered by emotionally distant parents and a sense of constant instability of circumstances from age four.
It’s not just the vitamins. It’s not only the meditation or the bodhisattva vow I took. It was a lot of fighting to get myself out of the sludge, and sometimes I thought I made it out and then was dragged back in. It’s never quick, never easy. I only want to say that maybe there is more light now.
Learning things just feels good to me. Pursuing things is within my grasp. Nothing is so overwhelming anymore, including my anxiety. I can quell whatever arises a lot more easily, if it arises at all. I haven’t felt this way for more than an hour in… well, it’s been a long time.
I’m not medicated. I’m just taking a B complex vitamin in the morning now.
I can tell I’m doing okay because even if I’m not being productive I’ve gone back to being actively curious about the world. Hence the foray into Romanian. I have no ties there, no interest comparable to that I had in French or Japanese. I just need to know how it works.
I will probably never play Dwarf Fortress. I am currently obsessed with Dwarf Fortress.
Regarding the abusive relationship I blogged about last week, I’m glad I got that out of my system. It was starting to fester. I’m not about to run out and tell the rest of the world of my suffering, but I needed to do something that other people could see. It’s easier to move past now that it’s less of a secret.